I have been hurt...multiple times. I have loved and not have that love returned to me the way I thought it should have, been taken for granted, cheated on, and lied to. My heart has had a dull ache for several years of which I was not even aware of. Yes unaware! You see I thought I was doing fine but in reality I was not because I covered my heart. What I mean by covered is not letting men get to the real me. Oh sure I shared my body, parts of my mind, and almost let one man in completely but of course because I had not healed I pushed him away. A damaged heart is much like a wound received on the flesh and a covered wound will NEVER heal. But thats exactly what most of us do with our heart, we cover it instead of taking the time to treat it thinking that will help but it does more harm than good. Or there is the other extreme, we jump right into another situation and receive another wound on top of the unhealed wound. The cycle continues until the heart becomes callused turning into a scab of bitterness and resentment.
We resent the fact that we allowed ourselves to be vulnerable and open to another person feeling like we showed weakness (men typically have a problem with being viewed as weak) . Then that feeling of weakness turns into fear. Yes I said fear. Fear that we are unloveable, of being abandoned again, or worse another failed relationship. Fear paralyzes us, we date but yet we haven't healed our previous wounds. And what do we do, we turn our resentment, anger, and issues on some unsuspecting soul who does not deserve the backlash of our unhealed self. At this point you might be thinking, why is she writing this? I will tell you why, because I know to many men and women (myself included) who are suffering from the same problem: fear of healing. I woke up with a mind full of thoughts this morning and one of them was, I WILL ALLOW MYSELF TO HEAL. Healing means to recover or to become healthy again. In order to heal I first had to recognize that I had an unhealthy view of love and relationships, most of us do. There were no Huxtables in our house, we grew up in dysfunctional families where we have very few examples of what a healthy relationship looks like; but that does not mean we cannot develop healthy relationships. Healing must first take place.
Today I have found the courage to share just a little piece of myself with you in order to begin the process of my healing and in hopes that someone, just one person will be inspired to begin their journey of healing. Let go of all that hurt, it serves no purpose. We all deserve to have the love that we need to survive as humans on this planet because God created us in love and wants us to have love. Is it easy? No it is not, but oh to love someone and have that love returned is a beautiful experience. Pain is a necessary part of life because if it did not exist we would never truly appreciate the pleasure in our lives.
Courage does not mean that you are foolish. I am not asking you to throw caution to the wind and become an open book. I challenge you to find the courage to heal your wounds and deal with your issues because I know there is a love out there waiting for you to do so because there is one waiting for me too.
Copyright © August 21, 2011
thecarmelfox aka StephanieFelice
All rights reserved
